I Know Nothing – Own the Imodium – Olympic Edition – Pittsburgh Penguins – PenguinPoop Blog

I Know Nothing – Own the Imodium – Olympic Edition

Here’s one for the “Own the Podium” project!  Or shall I say “Own the Imodium” project! 

I’ve had enough of the entitlement and arrogance that the Canadian fans AND players have exhibited!  Did anyone else notice how Martin Brodeur showed up a day before Canada’s first game with freshly frosted tips and an orange glow?  He looked like Snookie if she were to roll around in a swimming pool filled with Cheetos!  Then he answered the big question that was on everybody’s mind…how many dozens of goals would Canada score on it’s way to an automatic Olympic gold medal? 
Here’s the real situation…
most of the Canadian players considered this a bi-week vacation!  After all it is THEIR game on THEIR ice with THEIR fans arses in the highly overpriced seats right?  WRONG!  I’m pretty sure not a roll of toilet paper was sold in Canada the past week or so!  The balloon knots of the players AND fans were puckered so tightly that they almost forgot that a gold medal might not fit over such gigantically bloated heads!
How about their fans calling for their gold medals to be nice and shiny while the Slovenians damn near stole the booty!  Pavel Dmitra will be seeing the empty net shot that he fanned on for decades!  It was nice of fellow Canuck teammate Slob-erto Luongo to rub it in during the post game hand shaky shake.  If you have any loot…bet HEAVILY on team USA.  If you don’t have any loot, why not steal the practice medals from team Canada and cash them in for what they are worth. 

Early in the NHL season many friends of mine and I were excited about Olympic hockey.  We hoped that team USA would at least make it past the first round.  How could a team with so many young and hungry guys with amazing speed and grit manage to score enough goals so that our amazing goaltenders would have to get by on posting a goals against average slightly over 1.04?  Yep.. that’s right!  I’m calling it right now…….USA 5 – Canada 2!  Perhaps the women’s hockey squad will let the Canadian men borrow their medals for a while!  Canadian bacon is not bacon!  Why not go down to Tim Hortons and drown your sorrows in a cuppa joe? 

Sorry Sid, but there is no room for your average sized, Stanley Cup winning head! I just hope you aren’t mad at Brooksie for taking a swipe at your averaged size noggan last time around.

I think that the Fins would have had more of a chance if their goaltender “Skipper-Soft” faced the long end of the ice!  FYI…Months before the games ol’ Softie said he would only make the trip to BC if he were the starting goaltender!  Good for us… and the 3 novels Ryan Miller got to finish while the rest of team USA finished the Finish!

Did anyone else notice that team Canada’s women’s goaltender was the exact same size as Luongo? 

China had a women’s team but there was no men’s team?  I missed that elimination game!  Also team China had women named “WANG” and “TANG”!  You can’t make stuff like that up!

I’ve never seen a team yank a goaltender while winning, but that is exactly what team USA coach did when he pulled Miller in the 3rd period of another shutout hockey game.

Slovechkin spits more than he scores.

There was a guy watching the games with us on the Southside who kept yelling “Too Many Men”.  I finally figured out that he was drunk and most likely was seeing double.

The Irish Men’s hockey team got drunk the night before they were to leave for the Olympics and they all missed the bus.  On a related note, an Irish bus driver was pulled to safety after driving an empty bus into the Atlantic Ocean!  He blamed the accident on the screen windows that were installed by team Poland.

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  1. pwilson14's Gravatar pwilson14
    February 28, 2010 at 12:39 am | Permalink

    I simply joined this site to comment on this blog. Seriously I don’t know where to start….I’m in complete awh. Your slogan up above “We have more hockey knowledge in our entire body then your entire pinky” could not be anymore true. You know squat about hockey to think that the Fins would have been a better match then Canada, seriously aside from their goalie who would may be replace our third string goalie, nobody from their team would make team Canada. I’m not going to bash the American team because believe it or not in my hockey pool I had them finishing second to yes, the Canadians. One game doesn’t make a team better then the other. Canada simply had too much talent to get their shit together that fast, unlike the American’s who I won’t say lack on talent, but have far less were able to come together quicker.( look at the russians, too much talent from two dif. leagues just didn’t mix.) Come Sunday unless Miller can pull another horse shoe out of his ass, 6-1 Canada.

    How dare you talk lowly on Berto, Ryan Miller? Again would he have made our team, good chance no! Sure he’s having a great year, but so is Jon Quick, most wins in the NHL. Your Pens fans yet talk down on Berto, who is starting while your goalie enjoys the games from above.

    Also they’re Slovakians not Slovenians. You’re lucky its the weekend and alcohol has taken over the better half of my brain or this rant would go on forever!

    Also if you American’s win, I will post a video on FANVSFAN why they’re way better then team Canada. (mostly Jon Quick and Jack Johnson!) yes im a kings fan!

    • Ron Malore's Gravatar Ron Malore
      February 28, 2010 at 5:44 am | Permalink

      Both Kane who burn’t Luongo with 3 goals on 4 shots and Crosby who scored 3 in 8 minutes on Miller have to be in their heads a tad.
      Especially Kane who had Luongo fuming a bit with the “If he’s got a book (on me), good for him.” And then “stomped-off after the interviw.

      Wow…….. a King’s Restaurant fan, eh. Sounds like you’ve had one too many of their “frownies”.

    • Jean Pronovost's Gravatar Jean Pronovost
      February 28, 2010 at 4:10 pm | Permalink

      Canada simply had too much talent to get their shit together that quickly? That’s the story you’re going with? I wonder if that was the same excuse the Red Wings were using after they became the first professional sports team to lose a Game 7 at home in 30 years? Try a case of complete arrogance. Canada played the preliminary round like they had already had their tickets punched to the Gold Medal game. Seriously, in their game against Switzerland they looked like a bunch of amateurs instead of a team with 14 NHL All-Stars on it.

      Would Ryan Miller have even made the Candaian roster? Probably not, because the Canaian brain trust running your outfit would have been too stupid to notice that he has a better GAA an Save% than any of the goalies on your roster. Brodeur may in fact be the best goalie to have ever played the game (Although Patrick Roy fans may disagree), but that was in the past. Marty looked like a bad ECHL goalie against both Switzerland and the US. As for the fact that our goalie is riding the pine while Berto plays, what preytell has Bobby Lou ever won in his entire career? Oh wait, NOTHING while Fleury’s name will forever be etched on the Cup, and should Canada somehow win the game toay (Currently 1 -0 Canada), he’ll get the same Gold Medal that Luongo will.

      Oh boy, a Kings fan? Are you even old enough to remember the Miracle on Manchester? And yes, we know the entire Slovenian Olympic Team plays for the Kings. After reading your post, I’m wondering if there really is a better half to that brain of yours.

      • pwilson14's Gravatar pwilson14
        February 28, 2010 at 9:24 pm | Permalink

        There’s only one King on the Solvakian roster, Handzus, so I don’t understand how the entire teams on the Kings roster, we actually have more on the American team.

        You’re honestly going to try and compare Miller to Berto? Just shows the lack of hockey knowledge, Berto’s a top 5 keeper, Miller not so much. One good season doesn’t put you there, let’s see Miller shatter the record for most saves in a season.

        Sure Fleury gets a gold medal but so do the stick boys and everyone else who helped, everyone knows Berto was the goalie who got the job done.

        Oh as for Miller having the better Save % and g.a.a I didn’t know that made the playoffs for you? Berto and Marty both have more wins, both their teams are higher in the standing oh and yes both will be returning home with Gold around their neck.

        • pwilson14's Gravatar pwilson14
          February 28, 2010 at 9:35 pm | Permalink

          for the record i dont mean wins are the most important thing, but there stats are so close wins are imo. what it comes down to. (im a goalie)

        • Jean Pronovost's Gravatar Jean Pronovost
          March 1, 2010 at 10:49 am | Permalink

          Perhaps you are the one who should take a remedial reading course or are you going to try and blame this one on alcohol too? When I typed Slovenian, I meant Slovenian not Slovakian, or do you not know your own team roster well enough to know tha Anze Kopitar is the only Slovenian in the NHL? The reason that Berto, as you like to call him, has the record for the most saves in a season is because of the porous defense that was playing in front of him. What was his save % the year he set the record with the most saves. Funny, Miller was given the Olympic Tournament MVP yet you still claim that Berto had a better Olympics. The reason that both Luongo and Brodeur have more wins is that their teams have better players than the Sabres. Really, other than Thomas Vanek, who is having a down season himself, is there anyone on Buffalo’s roster that would be playing for NJ or Vancouver yet Buffalo is only 1 point behind Vancouver and 2 points behind NJ in the standings with a game in hand on NJ?

          Yes, Fleury gets the same Gold Medal the stick boys and coaches get, but he probably wouldn’t be wearing one at all if The Kid hadn’t pulled Berto’s fanny out of the fire by scoring the overtime winner. What a choke job that was giving up a goal in the last 25 seconds after he failed to easily catch a half assed shot from the point just prior to Parise’s game tying goal. Yes, Miller did give up the game winner to Sid, but better goalies than he can make the same claim. I’m pretty sure all over Canada, they would be hanging Bobby Lou in effigy if the Americans had scored in OT

        • pwilson14's Gravatar pwilson14
          March 1, 2010 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

          My apologies on the Slovenian comment, I didn’t realize you were talking about Anze the soon to be best ever Slovenian to play the game.

          You really wanna debate Miller against Berto? I’ll gladly post a video on fanvsfan to see who the better goalie is.


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