I Know Nothing – The Haves & the Habs Not Edition

I’m back after an all expenses paid golf trip that included Ovechkin, Semin, and Brodeur in my foursome.  I would still be golfing but I hurt my back after falling off of the ball washer.  Anyhow during my much deserved vacation, cards and letters have been piling up at the home office so I am going to finish answering them in the order they were received:

YES, NO, Winona Ryder, 43, Basketball, Mr. McFeeley, Niagara Falls, Bobby Clarke, Liberace, Lookin’ at Lucky, 7, Good Fellas, bacon. 

And now for the rest of the questions: 

Hockeyhab writes:  Shultz, Do you think the refs are being fair?      Fair?  Yes!  Good?  No!  All of Canadia goes nuts when a Habs player mysteriously trips over the blue line begging for a call.  As evidenced in the multiple DIVING calls your guys have collected, yes I think the calls were fair!  At least your divers aren’t wearing speedos!  That would most likely result in another unsportsmanlike call! 

Pensin10 writes:  Hey Southside, isn’t it amazing that Staal has returned so quickly?      Yes Pens, much of the hockey world was surprised to see 11 back on the ice.  Not only is he back but he is looking like he never missed a stride!  I’m pretty sure he had the same doctor as Steve Austin in The 6 Million Dollar Man.  ...

I Know Nothing: Penguins vs Flyer tickets? Don Cherry is dead Edition

I stopped in our downtown office last night to answer all the hand written letters sent to us. Since we are too cheap to pay for stamps, I’m answering the letters online.

Can8ENbacon writes:   Hey Shultzie, why do you hate Don Cherry so much?  This one’s easy, it’s not as much  I don’t like him, the truth is he hates ME! Last year during the cup finals I ran into Don Cherry, then I backed over him to finish the job! Then somebody yelled “Don Cherry is dead!” so I kept going, all the while giggling like a madman as I parked the Zamboni on what was left of the $5 suit he stole from Liberace!

Flyerfan69 writes: Dear Shultzie, You owe us one!      You are right! And your deodorant is in the mail. First off, I’m not going to thank you for taking care of our light work, we have home ice against everyone if the Habs pull off a game 7 win! Marty is old, as is Jackass Lemaire’s “Let’s score 1 goal and win” style!  Say what you want about how we fared in the regular season, we played injured each time we faced them. You know who owes you one? ANYONE who loves hockey! As my old pal Vivian says “BORING, BORING, BORING!” and he is right! Watching any team Lemaire coaches is more painful than tearing off a hangnail all the way up to your elbow! I loathe him and his antiquated coaching methods. Good riddance Marty and finally Jacques-ass!

PS…A big thanks to both of you for stealing my tee time,  Jacque-asses!

Filthbilly88 writes: Hey Southside, Love the show, Me and a bunch of buddies were thinking of coming to Pittsburgh for the Flyers vs. Pens playoff games but your (Pens) tickets are WAY too much. What gives?What gives? What are you Methusela? Did Benjamin Franklin baby sit your kids? We thank you for eliminating some of our light work, but we will be playing the Bruins or the Habs! Here’s what gives…go put on your 2″ thick glasses, put down the Ben-Gay, and read the following: By average the Penguins are actually toward the LOWEST priced tickets available for playoff hockey! As of right now the only arenas cheaper for playoff tickets are Washington, and Vancouver. If you still feel like “digging up” a few buddies, here are some ways you can save up enough money so that you can take your horseless carriage to Pittsburgh and catch a game in the NEXT round!: ...

I Know Nothing: What the Puck? – Edition

I stopped in our home office this morning and started to answer some of the hand written letters that our fans sent to us, and I started to think wow, we probably have more fans that don’t have computers than any other blog on the internet.  I sorted the questions by topic and decided that this morning I would answer all of the pucking questions sent to us.

I Know Nothing – Pittsburgh Penguins – Elvis Edition

Hello again fellow Poopers!  Welcome back to the second edition of “I KNOW NOTHING!”. More musings and abusings regarding the greatest sport in the world! 

POOP FOR THOUGHT – Last night I had a dream that Elvis came back to earth for one more concert. Fox Sports Pittsburgh for some odd reason had the broadcasting rights. Unfortunately they decided to show Henry Kissinger reading the white pages on TV and put Hall of famer Elvis’ concert on the radio! Feel free to make a parallel between FSP and our beloved Mike Lange! 

OLD SCHOOL! I came across some interesting facts about the Pittsburgh Pirates…WAIT! Before you hit delete on this post! I am talking about the NHL Pittsburgh Pirates of 1925-1930. The Pirates whose colors were black and gold, opened their inaugural season at the now defunct Duquesne Gardens. Check out some of the amazing items of note below! 

• The Pirates beat Montreal goaltender Georges Vezina 1-0 in what would be his last NHL game ever. He died of tuberculosis 4 months later. 
• The first ever NHL game played in Pittsburgh took place on Dec.2, 1925. 8,200 fans paid $1.00 to watch the Pirates lose to the New York Americans 2-1. The Pirates and Americans later combined for 141 shots on goal in a single game in a 3-1 NY win, an NHL record that still stands today. 
• Pirates coach and occasional player Odie Cleghorn was the pioneer of changing lines on the fly. Odie Cleghorn also was the first coach to roll 3 lines. Until this point coaches left players on the ice until they were exhausted. 
• In 1931 The Pirates moved to Philadelphia while a deal for a permanent arena was being hashed out in Pittsburgh. The team was renamed the Quakers and donned orange and black uniforms (colors later adopted by the Flyers franchise). In 1980 The Boston Bruins filed a complaint with the NHL, but the Pittsburgh’s request to change to black and gold was upheld because an earlier NHL franchise in the city, the Pittsburgh Pirates wore in the 1920′s! 

PLEASE HELP!  Does anyone know of a good stain remover for hockey jerseys? I have a superstition about washing mine only if the Pens lose while I’m wearing that certain Jersey. The last time my jersey was so stained (wing sauce, gravy, jagr, beer, etc.) when I washed it the whole house smelled like soup!              ...